Dear Duality,we need to break up
A funny, honest book about waking up from the either/or way of seeing and about what you find on the other side.
Free, no spam. Release date to be announced, presale opens soon.
“I’ve never before read a book so full of goosebumps.”Rosalind Paxman
“…many ‘oh yes’s’, a potent melding of smiling and the desire to weep…”Tess
“Funny, deep and raising a lot of contemplations and reflections.”Irina
“The balance between humour and seriousness works very well.”Maria
“I feel the words come from an authentic place.”Inga
“It feels liberating, and I’m curious about the rest!”Susanne (translated from Dutch)
“It reads with energy that triggers and then catches you.”Alloya
“…you master the ability to make a personal story general and in that way make the reader feel like it is about them.”Maria
“The chapter grasps the complexity, yet is not complicated.”Inga
“Reading the first chapter did crack me open more deeply to owning my ‘humanness’”Kelly
“…the whole thing makes me smile.”Sabine
“Written from your heart and lived wisdom, I feel.”Irina
“The colored pages for further reflection are great, they calm my mind and make it easier for the words to sink into my body.”Maria
“…it is very direct, sharp, but not offending…”Inga
“Many good questions!”Maria
“It is very good”Alloya
“…there is no esoteric blabla or talking about how advanced the author is…”Inga
“Will definitely buy the book.”Irina
“I don’t have to ‘perform’ to ‘receive’…”Kelly
“The way you use language really resonates with me and the combination with sacred geometry in the layout… I love that!”Sabine
“I think it might land well with people even if not too familiar with the deeper levels of reality.”Inga
“I truly like the preview of your book and look forward to reading the rest!”Maria
“I also like the graphics - simple, colourful, easy to read formating.”Inga
“Want a physical copy of the book - to hold in my hands and write commentaries in it.”Irina
A break-up letter to the either/or way of seeing
The Humorous, Ruthless Collapse of Duality and the Expansive Birth of Quadrality
Most of us were raised inside a way of seeing that sorts everything into two piles. Good or bad. Us or them. The book calls it duality. It works fine for choosing between coffee and tea, and it makes a poor foundation for a life. Think of blinkers on a horse: when they fall off, reality turns out to be much, much bigger than they let on.
Duality is a mental programme. It ranks and judges, and it runs on rules you never chose. In the book it has a face: the Ghost of Duality, a very reasonable, very tired inner manager with a spreadsheet and a five-year plan, who irons his socks and thinks joy should come with a permit.
Quadrality is what the body already knows once that programme stops talking over it: that more than one thing can be true at once. In duality, “I need space” could be heard as “I don’t love you.” In quadrality, it can mean many things, and anyone is free to ask which one.
The book follows what happens when the illusion cracks, old patterns show themselves, a lifetime of unfelt emotion starts to move and you take your own authority back, from the Ghost and from every other place you handed it over before you knew better.
Expect company for the strange stretch where the old programme stops working, and a lot of laughing at the Ghost. In the book’s own words: a remembering, and a reclamation of yourself.
I’ve never before read a book so full of goosebumps. So rich in frank observations that cut straight through the BS and fly like an arrow to the heart.
Read the full review
I’ve never before read a book so full of goosebumps. So rich in frank observations that cut straight through the BS and fly like an arrow to the heart, delivered with such humour and wit, such compassion and understanding, from someone who has been there, right where you are; and not only escaped and lived glowingly to tell the tale but through her insightful writings is helping show others how to navigate the sticky path from Duality to Quadrality. How to become their best, liberated self.
This book will not only make you laugh and cry in equal measure but will also transform your life along the way. A must read for these times.
What readers of chapter one said
“Many ‘oh yes’s’, a potent melding of smiling and the desire to weep.”
Tess“Funny, deep and raising a lot of contemplations and reflections. Written from your heart and lived wisdom, I feel. Will definitely buy the book.”
Irina“The balance between humour and seriousness works very well… Never thought about what you point out, that the duality ghost does not like jokes or humour that much; it is true and it makes me laugh.”
Maria“The way you use language really resonates with me and the combination with sacred geometry in the layout… I love that! Recognition, remembrance and the overall feeling of ‘we’ve got this’.”
Sabine“The chapter grasps the complexity, yet is not complicated… no esoteric blabla or talking about how advanced the author is… I feel your book is a gift to the world.”
IngaFor the ones who are done
Done with duality so completely that its T-shirt goes in the bag, still smelling faintly of a five-year plan. Everyone who ever wore one is still invited to dinner.
Any one of these is reason enough
- You have stopped trusting easy answers, from institutions and from the alternative scene alike.
- You have stopped waiting for the right politician, or the right guru, to save us and want to trust your own knowing again.
- You are done with us-versus-them and want to disagree with someone you love without losing them.
- You want to take responsibility for your part without punishing yourself for it.
- You can hear a lifetime of swallowed feelings rattling in the closet, and you are ready to open the door.
- You are outgrowing beliefs and people so fast that you wonder what will be left, and the grief catches you off guard.
A fair warning
This is a confronting book. It points at the things you have been carrying politely for years, and the Introduction expects you to throw it across the room and fish it back out at 3am. You will probably laugh in between. If you want a method, a 90-day plan or someone to tell you what to think, it will frustrate you. Leonie is finding out as she goes, stepping onto stones that are only now forming under her feet. Next stone coming soon to a cinema near you.
“A love letter to the ones who’ve been called too much, too sensitive, too weird.”
From the Introduction
Flip through it
Stories told with a straight face
Healing doesn’t come with a certificate. It looks like overreacting to spoons in the sink, then going quiet because you can’t explain the rage. Like sleeping for 17 hours and waking up more exhausted.
You cracked the illusion. Gold star! Plot twist: you still feel kind of terrible. What you buried starts to move, crawling out of the vents like emotionally constipated raccoons looking for closure.
The Ghost convinces you that to be taken seriously, you must become Very Serious. Believe it long enough and eventually even your authenticity starts attending meetings.
Somewhere, a man named Dennis is explaining a “synergetic cross-platform optimisation strategy” while fifteen adults nod with the hollow focus of animals being slowly powerpointed to death.
Nobody knows what Dennis means.
Including Dennis.
She floated into the room in six layers of linen and the exhausted serenity of someone determined to out-evolve ordinary humanity.
“I am fully purified. My shadow work is complete. No more lessons in this lifetime. I am ascended.”
Her phone buzzed. Rent reminder.
Sixteen chapters, five parts
Born in the Ghost World
Meet the inner manager who files your feelings and calls it safety, and learn that he exists without being you. Reality stutters, old patterns show their costumes and a lifetime of swallowed feeling starts to move.
- 1The Whispering Ghost of Duality
- 2The Illusion Cracks
- 2.1The Pattern Trap
- 3Revenge of the Emotional Raccoons
Breaking the Spell
Feel things as they happen and rewire the old habits, in how you relate, how you use your time, what you consume and how you live in your body. Accountability, without the guilt.
- 4Feeling in Real Time
- 5The Rewiring Begins
- 5.1Rewiring Relationships
- 5.2Rewiring Time
- 5.3Rewiring the Body
Dancing With the Mess
The body rejoins the conversation, seriousness falls off its chair, you grieve the beliefs you outgrew and the geometry of quadrality gets explained for people who failed geometry.
- 6The Body Rejoins the Conversation
- 7When Seriousness Fell Off Its Chair
- 8Living Weird Without Apology
- 9Quadrality for People Who Failed Geometry
Living Power, Pleasure and Truth
Putting it to work. Inherited stories first. Then power: a clear no, a real yes and, since we are on the subject of yes, sex, and the shame that taught most of us to stop listening to the body. Finally children, and what changes when the script stops getting passed down.
- 10Rewriting the Narrative
- 11The Power of Hell No and Holy Yes
- 12Pleasure Isn’t Optional
- 13Parenting Without the Compliance Manual
Living as the Pulse
The Tower of certainty cracks and the Judge walks in: the good/bad verdict behind family quarrels and wars, and the one running in your own body. When it falls silent, grief comes first. Then a world where belonging comes built in, and when something breaks, people ask what wants to be revealed.
- 14Rise of the Real
- 15The Judge Supreme
- 16The Pulse of the New Earth
All chapters hold at least one short embodied exercise called a Field Shift, and a closing page in the warm, spacious voice the book calls the Voice of Quadrality.
Leonie Ayana
Leonie is a writer with a degree in applied psychology and a lifelong habit of studying whatever doesn’t add up until it does. Chronic illness in her teens set off decades of self-led exploration: nutrition, cognitive and somatic therapy, Buddhism, the spiritual marketplace. She found that much of what promises awakening rebuilds the same hierarchies it claims to leave and that the real shift came from removing what isn’t true.
A heartbreak ended her last strategy and took off her last pair of blinkers. Dear Duality, We Need to Break Up came from that.
Leonie first heard the word quadrality from Dr Jacqueline Fay Hobbs. Everything the book says about it comes from her own experience of rooting in it.
Good questions
How do I get the free first chapter?
Leave your first name and email at the top or the bottom of this page. You will receive an email with a download link for chapter one, in English or in Dutch.
When does the book come out, and what will it cost?
That is not decided yet. The presale opens soon, and everyone on the list hears first.
What do “duality” and “quadrality” mean?
Duality is a mental programme that sorts everything into two sides and makes you pick one. Quadrality is what the body already knows once that programme stops talking over it: that more than one thing can be true at once. The book explains it with two crossing axes and four touchstones: presence, paradox, relationality and context.
Where does the word quadrality come from?
It is a logical word. Duality is the world of two, trinity the world of three and quadrality the world of four, and mathematics and physics were using the word long before this book. Leonie first heard it said by Dr Jacqueline Fay Hobbs, and she is the person to go to for in-depth purification and ruthless truth telling. Everything the book says about quadrality comes from Leonie’s own experience of rooting in it.
Is this a self-help book?
It is a book of stories, essays and short exercises, offered as an invitation to test a way of seeing against your own life. There is no method, doctrine or therapy in it, no medical or psychological advice and no promise of results in 90 days.
Do I need to know anything about spirituality or psychology?
No. The book is plain-spoken and funny, and each idea comes with an everyday example, such as what happens when someone says “I need space.”
Why is it called Dear Duality, We Need to Break Up?
Because a heartbreak was the catalyst. It took apart the person Leonie thought she was, and with that false identity gone the blinkers fell off. The break-up in the title is the one with duality, and the love for the people in it stays.
Read chapter one, free.
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